Mermaid Sex: Let Us Consider All The Ways

There I was this morning, drinking my coffee and innocently reading the news, when I came across a Daily Beast headline featuring the words “very horny” and “Robert Pattinson” and “mermaid”—and I did what any normal person would do: I clicked. Which is how I learned, without really intending it, that Pattinson has a new film called The Lighthouse, and that it involves human-on-mermaid sex. Before I knew it, I was reading about the movie’s graphic depiction of “elaborate” mermaid genitalia—and then I was thinking about mer-vulvas and mer-dick and mer-sex and mer-babies.

I am, reassuringly, far from the first person to consider such things, as evidenced by a sample of Quora and Reddit queries (including one that reads, very thoughtfully, “I’m going to have sex with a mermaid tomorrow. What should I know about mermaid reproductive anatomy to make it as enjoyable as possible for both of us?”). Having now spent just over an hour sorting through the internet’s mer-sex speculation, I can report back: theories abound, and I am all too thrilled to share them… read more >